Painting in Progress

computer painting in progress

This is study in progress. It began as a thumbnail in one of my sketchbooks. I'd like to consider it for a painting. I like painting vague scenes that would hopefully leave the viewer creating stories of their own to explain what's going on. I myself haven't unraveled her story yet, that seems to come later in the process for me. ..Though in the mirror on the wall there is a reflection of a figure in bunny ears, which in a way is a call back to a painting I made a couple years ago. I tend to lag on the posting of things, so I'm pretty sure it can't be found here, but the painting I'm referring to is called Truths Revealed. & I was so lucky to have it sell. Quickly after I finished it too!

Portraits from 3rd Friday -December

I decided it was time that I finally go out to the art walk, and draw people live! 
And I had been doing so bad for several previous months that I really needed to start making extra money. So only 15$ gets you a custom portrait! All you have to do is try and sit still for about 20 to 30 minutes. All these guys and I were conversing for a good amount of the time. Next time (which is apparently this Friday..) I will let people know when to 'pose' their mouths. Or else its just a generic not-much-of-a-smile version, due to -thats just how it goes. for now. (:
It was sooo freezing that night! Not literally, but I was trying hard not to shiver, and I think my fingers went numb! So this Friday I plan to do the drawing during the day, and leave by dark. I'll be out there (in MADE's courtyard) for a few hours.. Maybe three. I'll update the info on my fb page. Anyway still had a lot of fun doing the portraits though! Great first night, and a good turnout, I didn't expect even one! Alright, signing out. Bye!

I live to create Art

For the past four months or so.. I feel I've been growing and changing a lot. One aspect of it is, I've been working harder on my work, and also on myself.
I think with all that change going on, it's hard to know which parts of me to share about here.

I don't know if I have an answer. But I will be going with my gut. So it should turn out alright.

Very recently, past week or so, I've been remastering some of my art work. For a new "portfolio", we've been upgrading our art walk format. Next month we intend to incorporate digital frames to our table display. Each frame will be cycling our best work. One for BrokeBot, one for Aldo, and one for me. I'm excited about it. It will allow us to display only very nice framed, ready to hang artwork on the table (and eventually on portable walls). We've also recently purchased a very nice large format printer. So we've now been bringing out some giclee prints of our work, to First Fridays.

I realize part of why I don't know what to share here, at the moment, is because the blog received a break, and I also don't have a very large audience here, so it mostly comes off as a personal internet journal of me and my art. Which is okay. But I wasn't sure if it was okay before.

Gosh. I really do just want to be myself. In my own personal life, and with my art. I think the easier of the two, is being myself through Art. I didn't have trouble painting sad art, I didn't even know I was doing it, until the people at First Friday passing by my table pointed it out, years ago. I have come to accept that since then.

The BrokeBot collab project helps sort me out. With and through it, we make artwork to sell. Artwork to helps us survive while still creating art for a living. So, I really love BrokeBot. We are able to create artwork never possible without the other, being Aldo and me.

But enough sappy stuff. lol. I am okay. I don't mind if this blog really is kinda personal, I didn't intend for it to be this way, but I suppose it's just a part of who I am.. as dare I say, an Artist. And I only say it that way, because.. there are so many people who so easily call themselves that. I don't feel average, I feel like I want to do so much, I want to express so much.

When I get real sad and depressed about whatever, I can look up at the characters in my paintings, and they seem to comfort me. I feel like I paint so I can have a reminder that I am not the only one who feels deep pain at times. I am not alone. Even if I feel like I am. I am not alone. and I am okay.

Me having issues to fix, doesn't mean I can't do great things anyway. I want to be a much much better version of who I was meant to be.

I think I was always going to be making art, but one way I was going to be working full time at a job I hated while slowly making art, the other way, I have all the time in the world dedicated to create all that I want to create. And I am lucky to be a part of the latter, I'm lucky enough that the life I have now, allows me to do exactly what I want.

And all I'm willing to work hard at, is Art.


I'll share a scan of one of my recent paintings in the next post.


Honey Bear

digital mixed media collab made under the pseudonym of BrokeBot

Honey Bear, originally named Bear Masked, is about a timid girl who is trying to be fearless. She is encouraged to do so by wearing her favorite head gear. It allows her to feel hidden while at the same time being out there, where she fears to be, but, she decides its worth the risk. 

Here's an image of what it looked like as a record. It was for an art show whose theme was painted records, hosted at a record shop. This was my second and last submission to the show. It was one of my first really good paintings, up until this point, 2009, I had painted things that looked far more amateur than this. I genuinely surprised myself. I was so proud. Thankfully, I don't think it's a stretch to say; I have refined my rendering skills since then.
oils on gessoed record surface, personal collection

Truths Revealed

16x20 inches, oil on hardboard panel, 2011

[Edit: Truths Revealed is a painting that I sold right away]. 8X10 inch prints are available in my shop. It was a follow up, in my mind to Hidden Places. I intended this painting to have a different feeling from Hidden Places yet exist in the same world. I wanted the girl to seem like she has things under control and isn't phased by much. Where in Hidden Places, I attempted to express the girl as experimenting with control yet feeling uneasy or unsure about it. In Truths Revealed as you can see, there is a lot going on. I tried to hide a lot of things in it that are call backs or refer to things I've painted before. The bunny eared guy, the big mice (mice sounds nicer than rats), and the hamster-bunnies (in the glass cubes). There's a shadow of a figure on the floor, implying someone else in the room that perhaps just arrived. Her expression is supposed to convey that she is not phased and/or doesn't care. The guy's expression is supposed to be that of wonder or curiosity for what will happen next. This painting started from a sketch in a sketchbook.
feeding carrots to rodents
coin operated boy or former resident of Secret Island

a Video Portrait by Particle Dots

A few weeks ago I participated in Bryn's series of portrait videos. It consists of about 2 minutes of someone staring into the camera at a high frame speed, and when played its a slow gradual still portrait. it's an interesting idea.. Some of the portraits are really nice, I remember one of a lady who smiled during hers, not the entire time.. but it was nice to see a smile. I thought that when it came to be my turn that I would think of so many things while I was looking into nothing towards bright lights. But I mostly just kinda zoned out or meditated in a way, I was just breathing, and holding a stare.. for some reason I didn't come off very natural, it was like I was doing a job, and it was to not look away. My eyes were kinda burning at the time.. towards the end, I had my contacts in (when I still could.. for about an hour).. and they did what uncomfortable contacts do, dry sting-y. Anyway, towards the last closing seconds during the fade out, my facial expression slowly turned into a full smile. I misssed that part the first time I watched the video, from my iphone (that my dad pays for). But I looked at it again this morning, and I saw the smile. And it made me smile.

the weeks after I saw the video.. I guess I reflected.. I saw my weird blinks.. One never closed all the way, and they blink at different times... ? it was way weird for me to see the first time. But, I've been continuing to accept myself over and over, and its sticking more. I recently realized that I could fully look at myself in the mirror and say I love myself. And fully mean it, and fully feel it and that those words cant even explain the feeling. But that took a lot.. Some time ago.. I couldn't really say it. At all. I knew that I would be lying if I said it. I was so sad. That me still creeps in sometimes, and its scary, and I know how horrible that other me often would feel.. But.. I am okay. I can still smile now, and mean it.

"Cherry Blossom Girl" Collab with my Best Friend

digital mixed media collab

This started from a watercolor I made when I first got my watercolor set in January.
We scanned it and Aldo did some fancy stuff digitally to finish it off! He did pretty great! Just enough to make it right. I held back, and did not work on the face any further, it didn't need it.

Ive been digging through lots of my older work, scans of half ideas, sketches, drawings, watercolor doodles of all sorts.. and making more doodles too.
We've been using them for collabs! One approach we have is where Aldo has his hand at unfinished piece by me, and we trade off when/if needed, until the piece feels finished! We've come up with some pretty crazy stuff so far. But only sharing one piece of work per week to not go crazy.

All the work we make is available as prints in our shop. Going through the name of BrokeBot, our new project. We want BrokeBot to be a place were we advertise both of our artworks in one place. With Aldo's great idea making brain, and my need to/attention to detail.. and love for painting faces.. we end up with a good balance.

Why are we doing this?, 'cause we're best friends, roommates, both make art, and are really broke! We hope to get a good fan base going ..and hoping to just not be so broke anymore. :)

BrokeBot Art, Journey Progress Video after the Cut

a collaboration between me and Aldo Jeffrey,  click below to see time-lapse.

this is our first finished piece as a collaborative team/duo/effort.

"I made a video of a digital painting of a sketch that me and Carol worked on together. It started as a sketch for Illustration Friday themed "Journey". It then turned into our first collab together as "BrokeBot". Looks awesome on the iPhone. Just saying...BrokeBot don't care 'bout no aspect ratio!"


April First Friday.

April First Friday.
I've been trying to see my work from an outside perspective recently.. lol, & what I see is a set of really ..kind of intense, sad paintings.. or of sad things. I think its just that those are the types of feelings I need to get out. But this is only a part of me, it isn't alll of me. :)

"The Cusp"

18x24 inches, oils on hardboard

applying final varnish on this. she'll be taken to her new home today.

he really liked this painting, My friend's cousin was saying to his friend,, quickly, he knew he had to have it, and snatched it up before it even was titled, :) I'm so happy he got her!

Hidden Places

16x20 inches, oil on hardboard panel, 2011

This painting came from a small sketch of an interior where a boy is taking off his rabbit suit right next his girlfriend who is laying naked in her bed. However, as I took this idea from a sketch into a painting, I saw it would be difficult to figure out the perspective of the boy in the middle of the room since the perspective is from such a high angle above them. So I changed it's composition. Now he was silhouetted and walking down stairs, blending into the foreground and now the focus was on the girl. 

When one's life has become predictable & monotonous one should conclude that doing something unexpected is necessary! That's the idea I had for this painting. This depicts the moment of anticipation...where the outcome is unknown. Will they burst into laughter together because they are in happy loving moods or could there be an awkward silence because they are feeling awkward?  Also, to me, it's about experimenting with Control; instead of giving in to monotony she does something entirely different from the norm, changing the pace of her present moments. I intended her expression to show a hint of fear of the unknown because that's a very real feeling, one I can relate to.
 [Edit: I showed it to the public via art walk when it was finished, I would have added more excitement in her expression though, had I known I'd receive a lot of odd responses. It was entertaining to hear the variety of things said about Hidden Places, but also a bit unsettling that so many were reminded of negative things in their lives because of it, or so they said. It's just a painting though, so truly, I regret nothing]! What do you think of this painting?

handmade doll, a lamp I own, hidden treasures inside a drawer

behind the scenes, a moment between a couple you'd never see

my mind: while preparing for painting mode..

reflecting on two finalized paintings i have hanging on my wall..
I can think about the methods i used to paint each of them. and the outcome. I'm looking at my Naked Girl in Bedroom painting, and my Bunny Wont Play With Me Anymore.., painting. the first one, i have to add a final glaze to, and come up with a fitting -real Tittle.

I haven't shared it yet, I'm waiting to really Finalize all of it, and for the right time. I dont want to rush it. fyi..its been a year almost spent on that piece, not continually..but still. That one i did many many layers on..and started from black and white, it has much depth!!! I love it! I think with good training and dedication, I can shorten that time a lot. The painting next to it, with the dead stuffed animal bunny, is much flatter. Finished almost entirely within 1 week, painted straight finishing areas in the first painting sitting.. i was quite proud of it. But looking at the two techniques, I think my work and ideas deserve that extra time spent on a black and white underlayer. It turns out quite good. this is the first painting, where i really kept that technique in focus.

Either painting method still requires me to be in the right mood for it though.. the right setting. Which is understandable- i wont force myself into painting if i dont want, meanwhile i will continue to do other productive things. Ive been writing down ideas for paintings, and started quickly sketching some out. Trying to pick which painting I want to tackle next. first. I have 2 other paintings that I want to finish by the end of the year..that i started during summer or sometime. I want to start a new batch of paintings soon, many at a time..progressing each painting together and individually.

I want all of my new work to each be really well done. I dont want to be too quick with my work anymore. I think I have my methods down. I feel good :)