miscellaneous

Sever Year Absence

Today it's raining in the desert. This is the most water I have ever seen in this place. 



[to read jibber jabber and view 6 second video click on the time-stamp below]




I finally recovered this account.
[Edit: (herbrokeneyeball.blogspot.com)]
It uses another email and I couldn't remember anything about it. I thought it was lost. I did loose my original url (brokeneyeball.blogspot.com). someone has it and doesn't even use it. So now -Your Her Broken Eyeball-

My journey brought me here a long time ago, from websites like deviant art, and digital painting ones, and xanga. Times of/before 2007. At some point I switched from here to something else.. & Here we are. 2014. I've been painting for seven years. Mostly oil painting. Been discovering who I am. 

What a great thing to be able to use this blog again. What a charm this has, compared to my other online places.. Such a vibe of anonymity almost. oh, what love.


 [the post below this reads: 2007, first time posting here again after a seven year leave]

 [Edit: posts 2007 and before have now been imported to here which had posts 2008 and after]

Portraits from 3rd Friday -December






I decided it was time that I finally go out to the art walk, and draw people live! 
And I had been doing so bad for several previous months that I really needed to start making extra money. So only 15$ gets you a custom portrait! All you have to do is try and sit still for about 20 to 30 minutes. All these guys and I were conversing for a good amount of the time. Next time (which is apparently this Friday..) I will let people know when to 'pose' their mouths. Or else its just a generic not-much-of-a-smile version, due to -thats just how it goes. for now. (:
It was sooo freezing that night! Not literally, but I was trying hard not to shiver, and I think my fingers went numb! So this Friday I plan to do the drawing during the day, and leave by dark. I'll be out there (in MADE's courtyard) for a few hours.. Maybe three. I'll update the info on my fb page. Anyway still had a lot of fun doing the portraits though! Great first night, and a good turnout, I didn't expect even one! Alright, signing out. Bye!

I live to create Art

For the past four months or so.. I feel I've been growing and changing a lot. One aspect of it is, I've been working harder on my work, and also on myself.
I think with all that change going on, it's hard to know which parts of me to share about here.


I don't know if I have an answer. But I will be going with my gut. So it should turn out alright.




Very recently, past week or so, I've been remastering some of my art work. For a new "portfolio", we've been upgrading our art walk format. Next month we intend to incorporate digital frames to our table display. Each frame will be cycling our best work. One for BrokeBot, one for Aldo, and one for me. I'm excited about it. It will allow us to display only very nice framed, ready to hang artwork on the table (and eventually on portable walls). We've also recently purchased a very nice large format printer. So we've now been bringing out some giclee prints of our work, to First Fridays.

I realize part of why I don't know what to share here, at the moment, is because the blog received a break, and I also don't have a very large audience here, so it mostly comes off as a personal internet journal of me and my art. Which is okay. But I wasn't sure if it was okay before.

Gosh. I really do just want to be myself. In my own personal life, and with my art. I think the easier of the two, is being myself through Art. I didn't have trouble painting sad art, I didn't even know I was doing it, until the people at First Friday passing by my table pointed it out, years ago. I have come to accept that since then.

The BrokeBot collab project helps sort me out. With and through it, we make artwork to sell. Artwork to helps us survive while still creating art for a living. So, I really love BrokeBot. We are able to create artwork never possible without the other, being Aldo and me.

But enough sappy stuff. lol. I am okay. I don't mind if this blog really is kinda personal, I didn't intend for it to be this way, but I suppose it's just a part of who I am.. as dare I say, an Artist. And I only say it that way, because.. there are so many people who so easily call themselves that. I don't feel average, I feel like I want to do so much, I want to express so much.


When I get real sad and depressed about whatever, I can look up at the characters in my paintings, and they seem to comfort me. I feel like I paint so I can have a reminder that I am not the only one who feels deep pain at times. I am not alone. Even if I feel like I am. I am not alone. and I am okay.

Me having issues to fix, doesn't mean I can't do great things anyway. I want to be a much much better version of who I was meant to be.

I think I was always going to be making art, but one way I was going to be working full time at a job I hated while slowly making art, the other way, I have all the time in the world dedicated to create all that I want to create. And I am lucky to be a part of the latter, I'm lucky enough that the life I have now, allows me to do exactly what I want.

And all I'm willing to work hard at, is Art.
..


I'll share a scan of one of my recent paintings in the next post.

~Carol

a Video Portrait by Particle Dots





A few weeks ago I participated in Bryn's series of portrait videos. It consists of about 2 minutes of someone staring into the camera at a high frame speed, and when played its a slow gradual still portrait. it's an interesting idea.. Some of the portraits are really nice, I remember one of a lady who smiled during hers, not the entire time.. but it was nice to see a smile. I thought that when it came to be my turn that I would think of so many things while I was looking into nothing towards bright lights. But I mostly just kinda zoned out or meditated in a way, I was just breathing, and holding a stare.. for some reason I didn't come off very natural, it was like I was doing a job, and it was to not look away. My eyes were kinda burning at the time.. towards the end, I had my contacts in (when I still could.. for about an hour).. and they did what uncomfortable contacts do, dry sting-y. Anyway, towards the last closing seconds during the fade out, my facial expression slowly turned into a full smile. I misssed that part the first time I watched the video, from my iphone (that my dad pays for). But I looked at it again this morning, and I saw the smile. And it made me smile.


..
the weeks after I saw the video.. I guess I reflected.. I saw my weird blinks.. One never closed all the way, and they blink at different times... ? it was way weird for me to see the first time. But, I've been continuing to accept myself over and over, and its sticking more. I recently realized that I could fully look at myself in the mirror and say I love myself. And fully mean it, and fully feel it and that those words cant even explain the feeling. But that took a lot.. Some time ago.. I couldn't really say it. At all. I knew that I would be lying if I said it. I was so sad. That me still creeps in sometimes, and its scary, and I know how horrible that other me often would feel.. But.. I am okay. I can still smile now, and mean it.

BrokeBot Art, Journey Progress Video after the Cut

a collaboration between me and Aldo Jeffrey,  click below to see time-lapse.
this is our first finished piece as a collaborative team/duo/effort.


"I made a video of a digital painting of a sketch that me and Carol worked on together. It started as a sketch for Illustration Friday themed "Journey". It then turned into our first collab together as "BrokeBot". Looks awesome on the iPhone. Just saying...BrokeBot don't care 'bout no aspect ratio!"

 -Aldo

April First Friday.

April First Friday.
I've been trying to see my work from an outside perspective recently.. lol, & what I see is a set of really ..kind of intense, sad paintings.. or of sad things. I think its just that those are the types of feelings I need to get out. But this is only a part of me, it isn't alll of me. :)

my mind: while preparing for painting mode..

reflecting on two finalized paintings i have hanging on my wall..
I can think about the methods i used to paint each of them. and the outcome. I'm looking at my Naked Girl in Bedroom painting, and my Bunny Wont Play With Me Anymore.., painting. the first one, i have to add a final glaze to, and come up with a fitting -real Tittle.

I haven't shared it yet, I'm waiting to really Finalize all of it, and for the right time. I dont want to rush it. fyi..its been a year almost spent on that piece, not continually..but still. That one i did many many layers on..and started from black and white, it has much depth!!! I love it! I think with good training and dedication, I can shorten that time a lot. The painting next to it, with the dead stuffed animal bunny, is much flatter. Finished almost entirely within 1 week, painted straight finishing areas in the first painting sitting.. i was quite proud of it. But looking at the two techniques, I think my work and ideas deserve that extra time spent on a black and white underlayer. It turns out quite good. this is the first painting, where i really kept that technique in focus.

Either painting method still requires me to be in the right mood for it though.. the right setting. Which is understandable- i wont force myself into painting if i dont want, meanwhile i will continue to do other productive things. Ive been writing down ideas for paintings, and started quickly sketching some out. Trying to pick which painting I want to tackle next. first. I have 2 other paintings that I want to finish by the end of the year..that i started during summer or sometime. I want to start a new batch of paintings soon, many at a time..progressing each painting together and individually.

I want all of my new work to each be really well done. I dont want to be too quick with my work anymore. I think I have my methods down. I feel good :)

Waldoism Gallery





click below to see a video that contains a closer look:


so, I'm checking out a myspace bulletin from Conspire, in it is a First Friday Highlights Video. It shows some neat stuff.. and if you keep watching long enough or skip to a certain time (4 minutes & 35 seconds) you get to see my art! I had no idea! :D hurray!
it made my night. thanks Phil.